Life post-college is the strangest thing I have ever experienced. I constantly feel like I’m missing something, or should be doing an assignment. This whole not having a schedule and going with the flow thing is so foreign to me that it feels strange. At times I feel so free and happy to just be living life with little to no responsibility, but other times it feels like I’m just going through the motions.
I moved to the lake to serve at a restaurant with my best friend. I love that our daily schedule consists of tanning by the pool, or spending time at the lake until our night shift. It easily is the happiest I have been in a very long time. There’s just something so fun about living with your best friend, working together, and having the time of your lives all while making more money than I’ve ever seen on a paycheck before. We laugh together, we cry together, we take on mean customers together, and somehow we have yet to get tired of each other. Sometimes I wish I could stay in this phase of life forever. This is the first time in a very long time that I haven’t had daily mental breakdowns or cried myself to sleep. Maybe the weight of being in college has lifted and I finally am starting to come back to the best version of myself. Maybe it’s the location change. Or maybe it’s just because I am physically incapable of not laughing around Emma even in the most inappropriate of times.
While I am having the summer of my life. I also feel overwhelming anxiety in the back of my head just brewing. I know that in a couple of months the summer heat and bliss of having no responsibility will end and I will be faced with the reality of the big girl world. Finding a job. Paying rent. And big girl bills. Looking for jobs and budgeting are all so overwhelming. But something I’m learning is to not let the fear of the future intrude on the enjoyment of the present.
When I was a cheerleader in college our coach was always throwing inspirational lines at us. I’ll never forget being dog-tired after an 8-hour practice with only a few days left until we boarded the bus to the 2020 UCA nationals. He told us to be where our feet were at. So many people would have killed for the opportunity that we had. We had to put aside the exhaustion and frustrations and be where our feet were. That stuck with me and I’m trying every day to remember that at the moment where uncertainty is strong, I cannot do a single thing about the future. I can only be where my feet are and live each day with purpose.
Now, don’t get me wrong this is not at all me saying don’t plan your life out. Don’t live day to day with no plan in sight. Just don’t let the anxiety of not having it all figured out take away the experiences you’re having in the now.
Until August comes I’ll make a plan for what’s next in my life, but I also will be enjoying drinks by the pool and getting tan. Then go to work, have fun, and make money. The beauty of life is there’s so much to experience and I plan on taking every advantage of that.
Summer can be the best time to relax, unwind, take a break, and enjoy the weather until fall comes and seasonal depression takes over. I’m not naive enough to believe that I’m not going to be anxious at all this summer. But I know now that just taking a minute to enjoy the season of life I am in now will do wonders for my mental health and allow me to truly make memories.
Besides what’s the point of taking a summer off and stressing every minute about what’s next. You’ll miss out on all the memories you can make now. You’ll miss out on those moments where you could have been laughing instead of crying. You’ll miss out on those moments that you’ll never get back. I won’t be missing out on any more moments because this life is meant to be full of love and happiness and joy. You best bet I’m gonna take this time to enjoy the happiness I deserve.
Hot Mess Express 