As August approaches, I have this weird sense of discomfort. It feels foreign not to be registering for classes, buying supplies, and scoping out my professors. It is strange to hear my friends talk about upcoming recruitment and what classes they will take. This is a new era of life for me, and I feel so out of place. I have spent so much time placing my validation in academics. Now without it, I am not really sure what to do with myself. It feels like I am in a lifelong summer. August may come around, and school will be back in session, and I have no plan. I try to tell myself that this is okay. You are still young; you don’t have to know what corporate job to throw yourself into at 21. It’s okay to work where you can make money until you save up. It’s okay to look at other avenues of careers. It’s okay that everything you thought would happen isn’t, and it’s okay to not know what comes next.
Trying to find a job is so draining. I stay up all night scrolling through indeed, saving jobs, and sending out applications. I have interviewed with favorable responses, but then I question if this is actually what I want to do. Then, when I do find a job right up my alley, they want 5 years of experience. Well, how am I supposed to get experience if I cant get a job without knowledge?? It’s like a never-ending carousel of disappointment. Sometimes I wish I majored in nursing or accounting because at least I would know what I would be doing for the rest of my life. It truly is this weird era of life for those who do not have a job-specific major.
Sometimes I wish I could stay at the lake full time, reading books in a hammock and taking mid-day dips in the water. Unfortunately, that doesn’t pay the bills. But if it did, count me in. I have looked at so many jobs I’m not even sure what I want to do anymore. All the job descriptions are so detailed, and of course, my anxiety tells me there’s no way I can do that. Even though I have never turned away from a challenge in my life.
In complete transparency, I have been shying away from writing on this blog because I wasn’t sure I was the best to give advice. I was telling myself, how am I supposed to help people if I don’t even know what I am doing. But I reminded myself why I started this blog in the first place. I know I don’t know it all; nobody does. But being transparent about the fact that I don’t have everything figured out may make others in the same boat I am in feel better.
Sidenote:
Do you ever think about how good we had it in high school (I know everyone has different perceptions of their high school experience)? What I mean is that my only concerns were if my crush was going to the waffle house after the football games, getting good grades, and what I would wear to school the next day. Now I’m paying bills, finding 40-hour-a-week salary jobs, and trying to make sure I have enough money to live on. This adulting thing sucks, honestly. Eventually, it will get easier, and all the adult things I didn’t understand will start making sense, and it will be a lot more natural to navigate. But for now, I feel like a minnow in an ocean.
For those of you who feel the same way. It’s okay. We are young and have a life full of work, so it’s okay to take time to figure out what you want to do. It’s okay to not have it figured out. Taking this time to grow and focus on yourself and your growth as a human is entirely okay. You do what you can to get by, save up some money, and then you can have the life and job of your dreams. I remind myself often that it doesn’t happen overnight. You don’t graduate college and boom have a 70,000 dollar salary. Or maybe you do; if so, I envy you. What’s not okay, though, is to get comfortable in the time between. Keep your dreams in mind, and work to get there, however that looks for you. Make connections, shadow different career options, and step out of your comfort zone. You can’t grow where you’re comfortable.
As always, you got this. Don’t give up. It’s a weird time, but it will all work exactly how God designed it. As hard as that is to remember, it is true. The world is for your taking, so don’t let your fear get in the way and go get it. I am rooting for you, from one scared girl to the other.
Hot Mess Express 